


Love me Like the Glow Cloud

by Freakierthanthou



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Cecil narrates, Cecil telling the love story of Marius and Cosette, Crossover, F/M, M/M, The Abandoned Mineshaft Outside of Town, government-sponsored revolution, the Cosette in Grove Park
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 10:47:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/925474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freakierthanthou/pseuds/Freakierthanthou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Marius sees perfect and beautiful Cosette walking through Grove Park, he fell in love instantly. But when her father is kidnapped by the Sheriff's Secret Police on suspicion of being the resurrected corpse of a long dead convict, they must brave the labrynthian tunnels that lay beneath their town, tunnels that may be sewers or may be the bowels of some long slumbering Leviathan, we are not sure which, in order to sneak into the Abandoned Mine Shaft on the Outskirts of Town and save him.</p><p>Based on this: http://makinghugospin.livejournal.com/13488.html?thread=10672560#t10672560</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Listeners, our annual Night Vale Community Radio Listener Pool, or, as it's abbreviated, AAAARGH, wrapped up yesterday. We got some great responses from all you people out there, completely anonymous, of course. Steve Carlsburg would like me to stop complaining about him on air. Well, I just have one thing to say to you, Steve:

No. 

Anyway, this poll went out to all of you, because we at Night Vale Community Radio believe that constructive criticism - _constructive,_ Steve, you're automatically disqualified- is important for any creative project. And what's more creative than the news? 

Now, here is what our listeners want. 

* More on the station cat, trapped floating in the men's bathroom.

Well, I can tell you that he's still there. Our little guy doesn't move that often, on account of being spatially locked in one place.

* An in- depth expose on the dog park, and the hooded figures who have been seen there.

I don't know what you're talking about; I have never reported on the dog park. Is there even a dog park? I wouldn't know. I'm a cat person! I have a cat.

*Love stories.

Ah. Love stories. 

It's true, listeners. Many of you commented that you followed the updates of my feelings for perfect, beautiful Carlos with great interest, right up to its contented, blissful ending. And it's true! Ours was- and still is- a romance fit to be told over community radio. But now, it lacks plot. And while that's a wonderful thing to experience in your life, it's perhaps not so interesting for listeners. Sorry, Carlos.

Well, listeners, it's my turn to listen to you. Since the survey closed, I've been in negotiations with the Sheriff’s Secret Police, to gain access to some of their cameras and listening devices that they have planted all over the city.

This may be a good time to remind you that when you're having private conversations, it is important to enunciate clearly, so that the Sheriff's Secret Police can hear you. Try to have private conversations often, to make their jobs more interesting, and if possible, speak directly into a telephone. 

Well, it's just come through today, and I officially have access to all but the most top-secret of these cameras and microphones and a significant portion of back recordings. Along with Intern Gavroche, I have spent the morning going through the town and picking out love stories to share with you, dear listeners. And oh, have I found one for you. 

Our story begins early last year, when a young student by the name of Marius Pontmercy came to our little town of Night Vale. Much like my beloved Carlos, Marius was from _outside_.

He set himself up at the Night Vale Community College, studying law and translation. By all accounts, he's an intelligent and dedicated student. Tamora Beckett, who works in the college cafeteria, says that he always eats his vegetables, and not just when his parents are visiting, like that de Courfeyrac boy does. We're watching you, de Courfeyrac. We're watching you. 

Marius, it seems, has been doing very well for himself. He's been working in the tutoring center, and volunteering at the local elementary school after classes. He even attends meetings of the official government-sanctioned revolutionary group, Les Amis de l'ABC. That's a French pun, listeners. Ah- bay- say, which of course is French for A-B-C, is phonetically similar to the word abaisse, which means the abased, or the oppressed. French is the language of wordplay. There may be a lot of foreign puns in this story. 

Now, Marius seems to be shaping up to be the perfect Night Vale citizen. He sometimes has fits of melancholy, but really, who doesn't in this world? We're all temporary fleshy beings living in a mortal world, careening towards death, oblivion, and the inevitability that everyone we ever loved will forget us. 

When he's particularly moody, Marius will often go for walks in Grove Park. Just this very morning, he was walking through the park, when he saw her. 

Oh, listeners, she truly is beautiful. Who, being loved, is not? Perhaps this delicate girl, with her shimmering brown hair down to her shoulders, and her nose slightly upturned, though a fault of genetics and not snobbery, would be plain in other circumstances. But to see her through the eyes of Marius- only metaphorically, listeners, the Sheriff's Secret Police _can not_ do that and anyone who says otherwise is lying- she is beautiful.

Marius looks at this girl, reading a book, her soft hair falling in her gentle face, her eyes lit up by some far-off thoughts, and he falls in love, listeners. Marius Pontmercy is in love. 

*

Night Vale, in the past two weeks since I first reported on the budding love story in our midst, Marius Pontmercy has gone to Grove Park every day. The beautiful young woman has been there at the same time, often reading a book or talking quietly with the man who accompanies her. 

Now before you get the wrong idea listeners, and think that this is a love triangle at work, I want to assure you that this man is her father. Also, love triangles as reported in the media are rarely actual triangles. Two points connected to the same third point do not a triangle make. That more clearly resembles the letter “V”, or a line, depending on how far apart the two points are. 

We here at Night Vale Community Radio have sent our crack team of investigative journalists in the form of Intern Gavroche to study the young woman who is the object of Marius's affections. 

This young woman is named Cosette Fauchelevent. She lived for some time with Intern Gavroche's family, says his sister Eponine, you know, the one who was turned into half a continent last month? My dear Carlos helped return her to her human form, but the other half of the continent, containing the majority of her population, is still missing. If anyone has seen the Thenardier continent or its people, please contact the Sheriff's Secret Police. They have some questions for the governing body of the missing landmass. 

Eponine says that Cosette lived with her family until they were about six years old, when she was rather abruptly taken away by a mysterious man. Eponine confirms that the man only had one head, and no tail. 

Cosette lives on Rue Plumet with her father, Ultime Fauchelevent. He made his fortune designing and selling non-cursed jewelry. Old Woman Josie out at the edge of town says that her angels absolutely adore it, and that Erika in particular is very attached to a strange obsidian bracelet that shines with indecipherable letters, but only on the full moon. 

Marius, of course, knows none of this. He knows that there is a beautiful woman in the park, that he loves her, and that he would give anything to know her name. He actually attempted to sell his retinas to a being from another world for the information, but his roommate, that de Courfeyrac boy who never eats his vegetables, stopped him. Thank you, Courfeyrac. This love story hasn't gone on nearly long enough to end in unimaginable horror already. 

Courfeyrac is, of course, a member of the Amis de l'ABC, the government-sanctioned revolutionary group that has spawned out of the community college. Since they are Marius's best and only friends, it might be important to take a moment to introduce them all. They may have some relevance to the plot later on. Consider this chapter of our little love story less pointless exposition and more heavy-handed foreshadowing.

The leader of the ABC is Enjolras, you know, the blond one who is always trying to revoke the government support of his own organization? Victor Hugo out on the edge of town says he looks like an angel, although Old Woman Josie will neither confirm nor deny. However, as he does not answer to Erika with a k as all angels do, he most likely is not a literal angel. 

I'm not sure why Enjolras is always trying to sabotage his own group. He did release a statement at a press conference a while back about not being government stooges. I don't know what his problem with government stooges is. Some people just have no respect for the good things in life. Improper parenting, that's what I say. If you don't teach your kids to be grateful for what they have, how do you ever expect them to grow up without staging revolutions every five minutes? 

He is one third of a symbolic trio that sits at the very center of the ABC. Four twelfths of the trio is Courfeyrac, an exuberant and highly intelligent law student. The remaining two- sixths is Combeferre, his right-hand man, who has two right hands. As he also has one left hand, he's proving to be an excellent surgeon, although he doesn't work for the hospital. Who, or what, he operates on is unknown. 

Next there is the two- headed hellbeast we all know in love. The head with hair attached to it is called Joly, while the other is Bossuet. Although they have extremely different pursuits in life, they get along fabulously, and have resisted all attempts to separate them into individual beings. 

And who doesn't remember the curry storm of 2009? Everyone who lived in Night Vale at the time heard about Bahorel, who had several body parts replaced by robotic duplicates, thanks to Combeferre and Night Vale's very own robot specialist Feuilly, another member of the ABC. 

I just got a message from Intern Claire, who informs me that Enjolras's parents were sucked into the void several years ago, along with his first name, the first names of most of his friends, two- thirds of a particularly problematic cow, and his ability to grow facial hair. My condolences to Enjolras on his loss. 

If he remembers it, that is.

Continuing with our foreshadowing introductions, Jehan Prouvaire is, interestingly, the only member of this group to have a first name. It is unknown how he escaped the void that de-named the others, but suffice to say, he is a presence to be feared. 

Speaking of Jehan, there's a sale on ribbons at the Macy's downtown. Half off all ribbons that are black, pink, red, blue, or have a core of piano wire running through their center to make it easier to garrote someone. Remember, just because you're slaughtering your enemies is no reason not to look your best!

The final member of the ABC is Grantaire. Not much to say about Grantaire, ladies and gentlemen and otherworldy beings. At least, not much that isn't classified. What we do know is that he's the one responsible for the crash landing of the strange helicopter decorated with pictures of birds last year. These mysterious helicopters, and any organic being that may or may not be inside them, were wanted for questioning by the Sheriff's Secret Police, but they were unable to bring any of them down. We're not sure entirely how Grantaire did it, listeners, but by all accounts he was drunk and muttering something about Greek Gods at the time.

Well, that's all of them, friends. These were the people sitting around the tables at the Musain off fifth street when Marius burst through the doors, holding aloft a handkerchief he'd found where the beautiful girl and her father were sitting in the park. 

The handkerchief had the letters “UF” embroidered on them. Presumably, these stand for Ultime Fauchelevent, the father of the girl. 

However, inside Marius's mind there was no room for strange old men, only for the woman he loved. This was her name, he decided, and he made his best guess and declared it aloud for all to hear. 

“Ultra Fantastic.” 

He's going to sleep now, cradling the handkerchief in his arms, breathing in her scent, which is strangely musty and masculine for a young woman, lulled off to dreamland by the soft sounds of Courfeyrac in the next room, banging his head against the wall in exasperation. 

*

Listeners, I have some embarrassing news to share with you. It seems that my crack investigative journalist team have done some interfering in our progressing love story. 

Intern Gavroche is one of the honorary Amis of the ABC, as it turns out. And I am not the only one, dear listeners, who has gone to him for information in recent weeks. 

Along with his sister, Eponine, who we mentioned in a previous broadcast, Gavroche has been press-ganged into service by Marius to find his Ultra Fantastic. 

Now Eponine, as we know, already knows Cosette. What I did not report, listeners, is that Eponine is also acquainted with Marius. _Very_ well acquainted, listeners. In fact, she broke the Sheriff's Secret Police temporary emergency ban on human emotions on the Night of the Seagull in order to have _feelings_ for Marius. 

It seems that our love story is now a love triangle, or, as we have previously mentioned, a love V. Perhaps it is a line after all. Unless Cosette is in love with Eponine, in which case, it would be an actual triangle. 

If anyone is confused by this romantic geometry, Night Vale High School is offering night classes in the geometric shapes of attraction. Every Wednesday, in the boiler room in the basement of the high school, right after Grantaire's class on pining. Bring your romantic partners, their exes, your exes, your neighbor, your cow, and anyone else who might possibly be involved in the tangled web you weave, otherwise known as your personal life. 

Also please remember as you move through complicated interpersonal relationship, that the City Council did pass the controversial bill making murder illegal last month. The Sheriff's Secret Police, as always, are watching you. But this time, they're watching you specifically, Victor Hugo out on the edge of town. They know what you've been doing to your fictional characters, and they're watching you. 

Eponine and Intern Gavroche, blatantly disregarding all rules of journalistic integrity, have helped Marius find his Cosette. It's unclear why Eponine, given her feelings for Marius, was willing to help, but we do know that she graduated from Night Vale Community College with a degree in emotional complexity, so it makes sense that it would go over our heads. I must admit that I failed my first year ulterior motives course, and never bothered to enroll in the two-hundred level emotional masochism class that was required to get that degree. 

So Marius has found his Cosette, and it was, in fact, ultra fantastic. He spoke to her for the first time yesterday, and it turns out, she reciprocates his feelings. Oh, listeners, to see the first reunion of lovers so clearly meant for each other! It was beautiful. Their hearts were full of love, and not just because blood is illegal except for those medical doctors who have special permits from the city council. 

“I'm doing everything all wrong,” Marius said. He was subscribing to the belief that romance comes with certain requirements. In reality, though, love is one of the few things in our world that is unregulated. We love boundlessly and without rules. We love foolishly and without sense. One day, a beautiful stranger crosses our path, and we are lost forever, falling heart- first into ecstasy, the parts of our brain that stored our rationality and common sense suddenly overwhelmed with her eyes, his hair, the curve of their smile and their sense of humor. 

Love, Night Vale, is what we are made of. Humans and non- humans alike, we fall in love at the slightest provocation, lose ourselves to another person, and listeners, it is beautiful. 

He told her his name, and he knew from the way her lips parted, her face lifting in a smile as the syllables from his voice struck her ears, that she loved him too. 

She responded with her own name, and all thoughts of the romanticized nicknames he had given her flew from his head. Romance is overrated, listeners. But love, love is all we have. 

Spinning into the void together, careening in time towards death and in space towards oblivion, the two young lovers cling to their feelings. They cling to each other, to the little meaning they can find in this imperfect world. And listeners, it is beautiful.


	2. Chapter 2

Night Vale, something tragic has happened in the love story of Marius and Cosette. 

In the past two weeks since they first met, they have found a way to see each other every day. They've danced together to the weather on this very broadcast. They kissed for the first time in the very place where they saw each other first, reminiscing about the moment of breathless delight that struck them as though it wasn't so recent even the non-genetically-modified pigeons that witnessed the event still remember it. 

If Cosette was a specter of joy out of his reach before, now she is everything good in his life. Marius wakes every morning and he thinks of her, of her hair falling over her shoulders, of the excitement in her voice as she talks about her government- approved reading list, of her laugh and her hand in his. And Cosette? Cosette thinks of him every night before she falls asleep. It's a compromise of sorts, so that they can meet in between, in their dreams. 

And they do. 

But that is not the end of the story. 

Have you ever thought about genres, listeners? In a film or a book, someone's life is very clearly in one genre or another. It's a comedy or a tragedy, a fun indie romp or a fast- paced action adventure. But that's not how reality works. All of our lives are a mix of many genres, as though we our lives are scraps and deleted scenes from many movies, cobbled together by a group of directors and editors who never speak to each other and don't know why they're doing this. 

Marius and Cosette are living a love story. But at the same time, they're living a mystery. The cop show that's bleeding into their romantic comedy cannot be forgotten, no matter how hard they try. 

You may remember hearing about Cosette's father, Ultime Fauchelevent. It is also possible that you do not, either because you have difficulty remembering things you hear on the radio, or because you never heard it in the first place. For those of us with memory loss or some no-doubt brilliant excuse not to have listened to my show, I will recap. 

Ultime Fauchelevent came to town many years ago; from where, no one knows, and set himself up making completely curse-free jewelry. He is possibly the man that Eponine recalls taking Cosette away from her family. At the very least, he fits the description of only one head and no tail. 

However, there is another description that he fits. 

That is the description of renown convict, Jean Valjean. 

Valjean has been wanted by the Sheriff's Secret Police for nearly three decades. Inspector Javert of the Secret Police has dedicated his life to searching for this dangerous fugitive. 

We at Night Vale Community Radio do not have any information about what, exactly, Valjean is accused of. However, it must be serious, because he was kept in the abandoned mineshaft outside of town for nineteen years, despite numerous escape attempts. When he was finally released under Mayor Rowena Chamlyn's experimental “parole” program, he disappeared completely. 

For a short time, he was recovered, but under circumstances that are classified by the Sheriff's Secret Police, he died. His body was never found. 

Valjean is now suspected, not only of his original crimes and multiple escape attempts, but of reanimating his own corpse in order to return to our world when he had been killed for a good reason. He has no immortality permit, citizens, and as such, is in violation of several municipal codes. 

However, there is good news in this story. Thanks to the tireless work of Inspector Javert of the Sheriff's Secret Police, Valjean has been recovered. It is believed that he has been hiding out under the name Ultime Fauchelevent, and continued living in Night Vale long after he was supposed to have died. This is a great victory for law and order in our town, but for Cosette, it is a tragedy. 

She knew nothing of her father's crimes against mortality, listeners. Poor Cosette is alone in the world, except for Marius. Their light- hearted love story has become a tragedy, the joy of their reunion marred by the loss of her father. Our hearts go out to them. 

And now, the weather. 

You sit by the radio, listening dutifully to the weather section, as some well-chosen music floats out through the speakers and into your ears. It disrupts the air, creating subtle vibrations that strike a specialized part of your inner ear, translated by your brain into a melody and harmony. Perhaps there are even lyrics. 

I do apologize for this standard pre-recorded weather section. It seems that we've misplaced our usual song. It's dreadfully unprofessional, I know, but we must make do with what we have. And what I have, in my desk drawer right here, is a kazoo. Would you like to hear that, listeners? I bet you would. Just one- 

Listeners, I'm sorry to cut off the pre-recorded broadcast. I'm sure you were all very excited to hear the weather. But there is some breaking news that I must tell you about, and it absolutely could not wait. 

Marius and Cosette have disappeared into the underground sewers. At first it was unclear exactly what they were doing. But now it is becoming apparent. They are heading towards the abandoned mineshaft outside of town. 

Listeners, they are going to rescue Jean Valjean.

*

Marius and Cosette continue to travel through the dark, suffocating trails that might have been sewers, or might have been the intestinal tract of some horrifying, hitherto undiscovered Leviathon. 

In the Musain Cafe, the gentle strains of my soft voice echo in the stunned silence of the halted meeting, as the official revolutionaries wonder what to do. 

“I'm going after them,” Courfeyrac says. 

Well, listeners, it seems that the decision was not as difficult as I made it seem. We at Night Vale Community Radio regret this factual error. 

“There's no way Marius can survive on his own,” he continues. “And I don't know Cosette, but I don't care how great she is, up against the Sheriff's Secret Police, the two of them won't be enough.” 

“Courfeyrac-” Enjolras begins, but Courfeyrac cuts him off. 

“No, Enjolras,” he says. “Marius is my friend. And I'm not going to let him down, even if it's dangerous. I take care of my friends.” 

“As do I,” Enjolras replies irritably. “I was only interrupting you to tell you not to plan on going in there alone.” 

Courfeyrac looks around the room at the faces of the people he loves, and those same faces look back at him. We don't appreciate that enough, Night Vale, the simple things in live. Loving someone who has the same face, day after day. Someone who thinks you're beautiful, even when you're covered in whatever unholy slime exists in the passages beneath the city. Friends who know who you are, even if they don't remember your first name. After all, you don't either.

Love each other, Night Vale. Love the names and the faces that stay the same. Love the ones that don't. Love the courage of a stranger who risks everything because he loves you, and love the loyalty of friends who do the same. 

We all have our own tunnels under the city, listeners. We all have our abandoned mineshaft outside of town. In life, we are all slowly making our way through the dark passages, the origins and history of which are unknown, covered with muck and slime and things we don't like to think about too much. Life is short, dangerous, and dirty, Night Vale, and all that makes it bearable are the people brave enough to go through it with us.

So appreciate them, Night Vale. Hold their hand as you make your way past what you suspect to be human remains, plugging your nose with the other hand. Don't mind if your palms are a little sweaty, or if theirs are. Hold tight, walk fast, and breathe through your mouth. Good night, Night Vale.


	3. Chapter 3

Many things have happened since our last broadcast, Night Vale. Many things. Some of them are even related to the love story we were telling. Many of them were not.

Yesterday, Marius and Cosette arrived at the abandoned mineshaft outside of town. They crept in through the open grate at the very bottom of the- you know what? I'm going to stop right there. I don't want to tell you all how to get into the abandoned mineshaft outside of town, now do I? I'm close enough to another reeducation session as it is. 

Anyway, Marius and Cosette got into the abandoned mineshaft outside of town, how does not matter. Close behind them were their friends, lead by Enjolras, who had a clever plan I won't tell you about. 

The halls in the abandoned mineshaft are empty. Even when there are people in the halls, the halls are empty. Marius and Cosette walked down the empty halls, hand in hand, as they listened to the quiet screams on the other sides of the doors. It lent a certain gentle ambiance to the place, a sort of romantic atmosphere that they will tell their grandchildren about one day. If they get out of this alive. 

The grate slammed behind them. 

It opened once more, to let Les Amis in, but then it closed again. It would not open by any human or mechanical force for a long time. 

The rooms in the abandoned mineshaft are numbered. They are not numbered sequentially, because sequential numbering is not allowed in or immediately outside Night Vale. Cosette stopped outside of room 24601, which is directly between room 42 and room duck. 

“He's here,” she said. 

“How can you be sure?” asked Marius. 

Cosette put her hand on the door, as though she could read its thoughts. Perhaps she could. Some people say that the metal in the abandoned mineshaft is alive. “He's here,” she repeated, and her eyes glowed softly in the dim light of the perpetually empty hall. 

Our contacts at the Sheriff's Secret Police say that room 24601 is a torture and reeducation chamber, which is particularly useful for those individuals who have come back from the dead without a permit. 

Marius knelt down in front of the door, staring at the knob. “Gavroche taught me to pick locks,” he said. “But this one is pretty complicated. The Sheriff's Secret Police are way beyond me.” 

Cosette turned the knob. The door opened. 

It is worth noting that the door was, at some point prior to this event, locked. It had not been unlocked before Cosette touched it. 

Listeners, I will not relay what they saw in that room. Cosette believes that she will never recover from that trauma. But we've all walked in on our parents having sex at some point, haven't we? Haven't we? Or is that just me. 

Once Inspector Javert had clothed himself, he cleared his throat and attempted to look menacing, something that is very difficult for a man whose shirt is untucked. This is why the Sheriff's Secret Police are always required to have their shirts tucked in. Some members of the Sheriff's Secret Police have had their shirts superglued to the inside of their waistbands, but Inspector Javert had always had too much self- control to necessitate such extreme measures. 

“No one is allowed outside the abandoned mineshaft reeducation zone once they have entered,” said Inspector Javert. “You should not have come here.” 

Ultime Fauchelevent, who is perhaps the same person as Jean Valjean, sat up and looked annoyed. “Honestly, Javert,” he said. “Can't you make an exception?” 

“No exceptions,” Inspector Javert snapped. “The Law is clear in this case.”

We at Night Vale Community Radio do not yet know who exactly The Law is. It is possible that this is the name for the head of the Sheriff's Secret Police, a shadowy figure who has never revealed him or herself publicly. Either way, Javert is very loyal to The Law. 

It has been suggested that The Law is the first name of The Glow Cloud, the only other citizen of our little community who is known to inspire such zombie- like loyalty in its followers. However, The Glow Cloud could not be reached for comment, possibly because we neglected to try. 

Perhaps that would have been the end of things. Perhaps Marius and Cosette would have been destined to live out the rest of their love story in captivity in the abandoned mineshaft outside of town. But at that very moment, Les Amis rounded the corner, and all hell broke loose. 

*

Listeners, we at Night Vale Community Radio must apologize for our exaggeration in the previous broadcast. Our statement that all hell broke loose was hyperbolic at best, and at worst extremely insensitive to those who have survived actual hell breaking loose. We apologize for this statement. 

When Les Amis rounded the corner, hell did not break loose. However, several things, many of which can objectively be considered negative for all involve, did occur in a very short period of time. 

First, Les Amis attacked.

Then, the Sheriff's Secret Police rounded the corner, and also attacked. 

We have been informed by the Sheriff's Secret Police quite clearly that they did not attack first. If anyone says otherwise, please contact the Sheriff's department immediately so they can be sent to reeducation. They will, of course, only be sent to be reeducated if they have sent the Sheriff's Secret Police for reeducation first. 

At the point, the fire alarms went off, triggering the sprinkler system, which covered the entire scene in flame- retardant jello. It is unclear what triggered the fire alarm at that moment, since no one has reported a fire, although it has been suggested that Bossuet may have gotten within five meters of a smoke detector. All smoke detectors in Night Vale have filed restraining orders against Bossuet, as he is liable to set them off at any time, with or without any smoke actually being present. 

Few things cool off a brawl like everyone suddenly being covered in jello. 

Everyone stopped, standing silently and staring at one another. The dessert coated their hair and clothes. 

“Well,” said Courfeyrac. “That was unexpected.” 

Javert put his hands on his hips. “What are you all doing here?” he demanded. 

At that moment, as people in large groups tend to do when there is no organizational structure to hold them together, everyone began to talk at once. Javert held up his hand. 

“No,” he said. “One at a time. You. What are you doing here?” 

He pointed, by sheer coincidence, at Grantaire. Grantaire shrugged. “Following him,” he said, pointing to Enjolras. 

“I'm following him,” said Enjolras, indicating Courfeyrac. 

“I'm following him,” said Courfeyrac, pointing towards Marius. 

“And I'm following her,” Marius concluded, nodding at Cosette. 

“I'm following him,” said Cosette, and she pointed at her father.

Bossuet sighed dramatically. “Following a man who's following a man who's following a man who's following a woman who's following a man,” he remarked. Joly patted his arm sympathetically. 

“Well, none of you are allowed to leave,” Javert said. 

Ultime Fauchelevent, who is also Jean Valjean, glowered at him. “You are not keeping my daughter here,” he said. 

“Papa,” said Cosette, “I only came because you got arrested.” 

Ultime Fauchelevent, who is also Jean Valjean, did have the decency to look embarrassed. As well he should be. Real Night Vale citizens should know better than to get arrested.

“Well, I have to arrest _someone_ ,” Javert complained. “I need to meet my quota.” 

Enjolras stepped forward. “I am the leader here,” he said. “Arrest me.” 

“Arrest me too!” Grantaire cried. He pushed his way through the others, to stand bravely next to Enjolras. “Arrest us both in one conviction.” Then he hesitated and turned towards Enjolras. “That is- if you'll permit it?” 

Enjolras smiled and took his hand. “Of course,” he said. 

With that, Javert cuffed their joined hands together. “Good,” he said. “That's settled then. Anyone else in the mood to be arrested?” 

Everyone shifted nervously, but no one volunteered. 

“It's alright,” said Enjolras. “Combeferre, Courfeyrac, I expect you two to run the revolution in my absence.” 

“What's this about a revolution now?” asked Javert. 

“We have a permit,” Combeferre assured him. “We're representatives of the official government revolutionary group.” 

Javert nodded. “It's good to hear about young people getting involved in politics. Now, say your goodbyes to your friends, we need to go process you.” 

“What about me?” asked Ultime Fauchelevent, who was also Jean Valjean. “I was arrested too, you know.”

It was curious to see such a prominent member of the Sheriff's Secret Police blush so thoroughly. Most members of the Sheriff's Secret Police are forbidden to blush, but Javert must have achieved a high enough rank that he has certain privileges. 

“Oh, I think you've been thoroughly- reeducated.” 

“And what if I feel the need for more reeducation?” asked Valjean. He took a step closer to Javert. “What if I'm a criminal and I need to be punished?” 

He said the last part in a whisper that made Cosette gag.

“You're very right,” said Javert stiffly. “In that case, please report for reeducation sessions every- Wednesday?”

“Wednesday's no good for me,” said Valjean. “I have a weekly meeting. Is Thursday okay?”

“Yes, Thursday's fine,” replied Javert. “Come here every Thursday and I'll be sure to take good care of you.”


	4. Chapter 4

Listeners, things have settled into a good pattern in the lives of Marius and Cosette and their friends. As epilogues are traditionally considered a good time to wrap up all the loose ends, I will do that right now. 

Enjolras is achieving his dream of becoming a non- government- sanctioned revolutionary. Thanks to a largely successful prisoner revolt in the abandoned mineshaft, he and the other prisoners are allowed outside Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. He uses that time to catch up on the more government- approved activities of his former revolutionary group. Inspector Javert uses the release of his guard duties that comes with those outings to visit Jean Valjean. They attended the Night Vale Ambiguous Holiday Ball last week, and won cutest couple. (Carlos and I did not attend.)

During the other four days of the week, Enjolras mostly plans revolutions and cuddles with Grantaire. He released a statement the other day, appended at the bottom of a very boring press release about the rights of man, saying that Grantaire is an excellent cuddler. 

The work of Les Amis is going on perfectly well in his absence. Combeferre did a brief stint in the abandoned mineshaft outside of town during the fiasco of Summer Reading Week not too long ago, when he was caught reading books after the seven pm curfew. As it was a minor infraction, he was released after reeducation and the charges were dropped. 

And Marius and Cosette? 

Well, they are doing just wonderfully, listeners. Some couples are just meant to be. Marius and Cosette are one such couple. When they are covered in jello, they kiss. When they are listening to the weather, they dance. When they are together, they are happy. 

My advice to you, listeners: find someone that makes you happy. Failing that, become someone that makes you happy. Be happiness. Transform into an amorphous blob of joy. Life is too short for corporeal form. 

It is rare that you will find a love story that will allow such simple conclusions. Many do not even seem to have an end. But it is all in where we choose to end the story, Night Vale. And sometimes the simple lies that we tell ourselves, the generalizations of the lives characters live beyond the ends of the book, are close enough to the truth we know in our heart that we can believe them. 

And so, listeners, I will tell you this ending, and because you want to, and because you know the spirit of the phrase is true, you will believe me. 

Listeners, Marius and Cosette lived happily ever after.

Goodnight, Night Vale.


End file.
